The Family Rosary: Practicality in Family Prayer

It is a proven fact that individuals learn in very unique and specific ways. Some are tactile and hands on, while other people can simply read from a book and everything makes complete sense to them. Prayer is a very personal experience, both in learning to intercede and participating in its impact. This habit of dialogue with God will be more meaningful if the child is able to approach it from their area of comfort. Certainly this exploration in prayer has to be within the rhythm of the family setting, but let's press this out a bit more for practicality. Allowing the child to pick from the pile of Rosaries the one that he or she wants, is an excellent practice. They can consider it theirs for the evening. The colored beads and size of the Rosary engages their sense of sight and touch. For my little children it also impacts their sense of taste as they try to eat the Rosary before completing the Apostles' Creed.

Many times we will allow our children to hold and look at gigantic picture books which depict the mysteries through paintings, drawings or photos. We have also purchased picture cards for each mystery of the Rosary, laminating them so they can be passed around with greater durability. It is a way for them to "see" what we are praying about. Usually one child will lead a mystery and at times I have asked them before or after that mystery why they chose to pray that particular one. I will sometimes ask what stood out for them during that mystery, or what new thought occurred to them that night. This is not a common practice, because there are nights that we as parents were ready for the kids to be in bed hours ago, and so don't have the patience for it, but we have learned to be creative in finding ways to get kids involved in prayer. Sometimes we will describe the mystery a bit more for a deeper perspective, occasionally a Scripture passage will be read or a question asked to draw them into the mystery. You know your family, so apply this time to their needs.

The Importance of Discipline

Even if we have done all of these things, settled into the room filled with reminders of our faith, passed out Rosaries and picture books, lit the candles, offered intentions for the upcoming prayer, along with small reflections and discussion during the decades, the truth is that before we know it an avalanche of chaos breaks loose. This happens far more often when praying the Rosary than having any experience of profound peace, which we as parents are always waiting and hopeing for. Why does this chaos happen? For starters, if this is a new practice in your home than give yourself a break and realize that it took you years to establish the current habits and rhythms in your family life, so it will likely take more then a few weeks for this practice of prayer to become the norm.

We also have to remember that family prayer is a supernatural force the enemy would like to stop at all costs. For a family to pray together, not only will they stay together, but they will impact all of eternity together. Your intercession may make all the difference in a person's recovery to health, conversion to Christ, or endurance in difficult times. Your family prayers together may in fact deliver countless souls from Purgatory, all because of the sacrfices made in waging this constant battle to pray the family Rosary. Being disciplined in prayer does not mean that we will have a warm and fuzzy feeling accompanying us after every decade. In fact, expect the dark night of the soul in family Rosary time; but realize your persistence in prayer without consolation will be an incredible example to all involved, and the ramifications of disciplined action in prayer and intercession are eternal!

There is another aspect of discipline that we may need to apply too, and that being the moments when we must break from prayer to deal with children who are not paying attention or otherwise distrupting the prayer. Here are practical examples for these moments of inevitable breakdowns. If you find that one child is choking the other with a rosary instead of assisting them in finding their place in prayer, take the rosary away and place them in the "happy bed." In our home we have a crib set up in another room called the "happy bed" reserved for just those times when our little ones go a bit bonkers. This gives them time to regroup and become "happy" without disrupting the whole family. There are occasions when the little ones are so crazy with exhaustion or sugar that we put them in bed a little early. There are moments when only the threat of being placed in bed sobers them up, because praying the Rosary is certainly preferable to going to bed early. Your family is unique and I can't know what exactly will  work for you, but I am sure the Lord will give you graces to succeed in this area. He wants our families to be given over to Him in prayer, and certainly Our Lady will also teach us how this can work in our home. We need to realize that it is okay if we experiment with all books, candles, pictures, different rooms for prayer, etc. If you prayer is a struggle in one room but works better in another, than modify your place of prayer. If you feel that kids are more behaved and settled a couple hours after dinner instead of at earlier times, than pray later.

I remember the first time I experienced the family Rosary. I was a guest in someone's home and was invited to come and pray with them that evening. Parents and children gathered into one bedroom with tons of bunk beds and chairs, pillows and blankets all over the floor; the lights were off, and all were settling in as the Rosary began. Within moments the little kids were sleeping while the older ones continued to pray with their parents. I was blown away by the experience. It made me realize that every family needs to adjust to the discipline of family prayer in a way that works for them. If I were to do prayer in my home exactly as that family, I would be out cold every night just after the first Our Father is prayed. The lights need to be on or I am out to la la land. In our family we have found that everyone is together and relatively alert after dinner, so prayer during this time just makes sense for us. You will realize what works in your home as you experiment.

The Place of Prayer

In the room where we pray there are many pictures of Mary and Jesus, along with statues of St. Jude and St. Joseph, the Pieta, and even some relics of our favorite saints. My goal for our place of prayer is for the children to be constantly reminded of the presence of God, even if they are not consciously engaged in the Rosary, and I believe that they are postively affected in this way, even subconsciously, from all that is around them, even if they'r not paying particular attention to their prayers. It helps our family prayer together to have these Biblical images and Catholic reminders at every turn.

What We Want

In conclusion I will simply say that if we want the family Rosary to be a part of our life then it will become a part of our life. Look at it like this: If our kids want to be in sports, they try out and do whatever it takes to get to practices and games. If we want to go to a movie, have a certain food for dinner, or need a little time to ourselves, than we do what it takes to try and make these wants a reality. As parents, if we want the family Rosary to become more than an idea, it's going to take lots of work, but it will become more natural the more you work at it. The amazing fruit of the Rosary is attested to by countless saints. Some found it difficult to pray and others seemed to pray it constantly, effortlessly. For most of us, the family Rosary will probably always be a battle of some sort, but realize you are not alone in this heroic effort to raise your children in the presence of Christ.

I have in my mind the ideal Rosary night with my family, and honestly it so rarely happens. What is so beautiful, though, are the small surprises of the family Rosary. Children helping their siblings find the mystery in a picture book, the littlest one praying a decade of the Rosary, when for the last two years he has seemed completely indifferent to the whole experience, moments when a child finally begins to follow the beads along with the prayers being prayed. It is unexpected and beautiful to find these moments of victory along the way. You will notice them too. Please don't give up. The victory line comes at unexpected times, but it does come. You may not realize the ramifications of what you are doing now, but the consequences of your actions are eternal. Hang in there and know that Mary is ready to shower your family with graces, to shower them with the grace and beauty of her Son himself.

Christopher Padgett is the Youth Editor at Mother of All Peoples magazine. A convert to Catholicism, Chris is a speaker, musician and author, who has a particular ministry to youth. He is married with eight children.