Rosary and the Family

The Family Rosary practice incorporates Our Lady's preferred prayer throughout this Marian Era. But it's also a preferred prayer called for by the Magisterium of the Church in this century. Pope Pius X, at the beginning of our century, spoke of the tremendous graces received by families when they take time each day to "pray the beads together." Pope Pius XII in the 1950's says: "There is no surer means of calling down God's blessings upon the family.. .than the daily recitation of the Rosary." (2) This is not private revelation. This is the official teaching authority of the Magisterium, she who teaches in the name of Christ. Our last Holy Father, Pope John Paul II, in his document on the Christian Family, quoting Paul VI again, designates the Family Rosary as a favored manner of domestic prayer:

The interior flexibility of the Rosary makes it particularly beneficial to family prayer. The Family Rosary is one of the few prayer forms that has the flexibility that could at the same time allow for vocal prayer, meditation and even contemplation—and all this while praying the same prayer. Children can have vocal prayer; parents can have meditation; and grandparents can have even more contemplation (basically because they're not responsible for the discipline of the children during the Family Rosary!). Their minds can soar like eagles' wings, as John of the Cross says. How many prayers allow people, at different stages of spiritual maturity, to benefit completely from the same prayer form? So, it's an incredibly flexible prayer form that benefits all family members at all different spiritual levels.

Our Lady is begging for prayers not just for the family, but also for the world. But to paraphrase Mother Teresa of Calcutta: the peace in the world is being disrupted first and foremost in the family. And the Family Rosary is a remedy to mend that family disruption, and then to make it fruitful for the entire Body of Christ. That's why, appropriately, the Rosary can be seen in a sense as a spiritual fence around the family. But a fence in two senses. In the first sense, to safeguard the family and to sanctify it, but secondly, to sanctify for the sake of the greater Body. It has a social dimension, which reaches out into the Mystical Body of Christ in general, beyond the fence of the individual family. When it's offered from the domestic Church to the Universal Church, you have the flowering of the fruits of family and that's the notion of sanctifying the world in the Church one family at a time. So, for all these reasons, Our Lady calls families to pray these beads of home sanctification.

Practical Suggestions for Praying the Evening Rosary

I would like to sum up with ten practical suggestions (and that's what they are—suggestions), for implementing the Family Rosary. Some of them I think are very obvious. But I'd like to just go through them by way of a reminder. These are suggestions and, as always, they are up to the prayerful discernment of the parents as to their effectiveness for the respective family. So, use them only to the extent that they can serve in your daily praying of the Family Rosary.

First of all, I remind you that the Family Rosary is not a monastic Rosary. It is not going to follow the rule of silence. Expect interruptions during the Family Rosary. It's part and parcel of any prayer form when children are involved. Interruptions may vary from the changing of a diaper (hopefully during the Sorrowful Mysteries to give you greater strength), to disciplining (stopping the little chatter that's happening in the corner by those two family members who have sort of fallen off, not into contemplation, but into some distraction), to even an occasional question to Daddy or Mommy of "what does that mean?," or maybe to a pause initiated by the parent to help the children understand the mystery under consideration. If children are fundamentally in the dark about the mystery, then they can't meditate, they can't ponder the element without some notion of what it is. So, without encouraging, interruptions, we must be realistic about the nature of a Family Rosary.

I believe these guidelines can also apply to things like posture. You can talk about an objective criterion such as kneeling which can be the best posture. But, I simply point out that the most important thing is that you are praying the Rosary from your heart in the family. For some members, kneeling may assist that process but, in general, the important thing is that the body serves the spirit. It's more important for them to be in a position that allows for prayer, and sometimes kneeling can be difficult for children. Sometimes the focus for families can leave the Gospel mystery and go to the mystery of whether or not I will make it through tonight's Rosary on my knees. Then you're not communicating with Him who you know loves you, you're communicating with the two knees who you know are going to give you pain. And again, I'm not speaking against the beauty of praying on the knees, I'm saying make sure it's a means. Sometimes having the family seated, or even lying down at times, can assist true prayer more than a uniform kneeling.

One wonderful way of stopping interruptions of the Family Rosary is to place the phone off the hook or to unplug it. Now some consider that a cardinal sin but even in terms of moral theology we can say that the phone, too, is only a means. And in light of the last chapter, if family prayers are the first priority, then that means even phone calls are no exception (short of prudence regarding emergencies). But as a recommendation, it's nice to have the phone off the hook or unplugged for Family Rosary time, since evenings are normally prime times for telephone calls.

Secondly, I suggest the use of candles on a family altar with sacred images and turning off all other lights during the Rosary. I think especially with smaller children, this takes away the whole domain of sensitive distraction, because they have two options, either to ponder the darkness or to look up at the altar embellished with candles and holy images. This can really assist in focusing the senses of the child toward the altar of prayer. There is also the benefit of children pondering, for example, the image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and asking why there are thorns around His Heart. It's good for them to see and to ponder these images on our family altars as a beginning in their understanding of how to meditate on the mysteries of the Rosary. Especially with little ones, it seems to help focus their concentration.

Thirdly, get the children actively involved by having them lead the decades. Again, this will depend on the age, but it's important to allow them that opportunity to pray and to lead. Realize though that you'll get anything from a fairly articulate Hail Mary of a seven year old to a three year old's version where you get the words "Hail Mary" at the beginning and the word "Jesus" at the end, but everything in between is a mystery in itself! At the same time, these little ones are really praying. And I don't think it's just pietism to say that the prayers of young children have a special place in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary because they're so pure. Theirs is so often the prayer of a child to the "Abba," the prayer of the child to the Papa or the Daddy of Heaven. And I know, in my own case, when I'm going through a difficult time, I'll just ask my seven year old or my five year old or even my four year old to say just a Hail Mary, to say it from the heart for Daddy. And I have sensed the spiritual strength that comes from those prayers, the prayers of the little ones. Our Lord had a preference for the little ones. Even when the apostles were trying to keep them away, He retorted, "Let the little ones come to me" (Mt 20:14).

So, encourage the children to pray, and allow them to lead the decades. In many families if this is prayer by osmosis, if they're used to this from before they can remember, then when they come of age they'll be the ones to ask "When can I start leading my decade?" Sometimes you'll want to start by giving them only three or four Hail Mary's or a half a decade, because it could take ten minutes or more to get a whole decade out. But they want to take their role in family prayer, and I think that's a very positive way of having them enter into the Family Rosary.

Fourthly, the idea of the parents offering a meditation at the beginning of each decade is good. Something short, something maybe describing the mystery and then some application. We're talking about something very simple. Here is an example for the Fourth Glorious Mystery, the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin: "Mary is assumed into Heaven because of her purity and her sinlessness. Mother Mary, help us to be pure and not to sin today." What we do here is to introduce our child ever so gently into the school of meditation. We enter them into the school of pondering the mystery and then applying the mystery to ourselves. So, some idea of offering the meditation at the beginning is helpful.

Fifthly, ask the children on occasion what intention they would like to pray for. This introduces them to the habit and the power of the prayer of petition. They get the idea that they can pray for things near to their heart and that it has a real effect. I should also warn parents to be prepared for any type of petition that may come out. Expect anything from a prayer for the cat that drowned next door, to a prayer for a person who had the flu two years ago, to a prayer of a child that his father's balding would stop and that he would start getting his hair back again! All kinds of theological mysteries pop out when they start offering their own petitions. But they're praying nonetheless, with their precious little hearts, and this sustains a belief in the power of prayer.

Sixthly, we have found beneficial the Medjugorje practice of singing a brief refrain at the end of each decade. For example, at Medjugorje oftentimes after a Joyful Mystery they'll sing the refrain "O Come Let Us Adore Him," or after a Glorious Mystery the refrain "Ave, Ave, Ave, Maria." These are short refrains, but they help the children to be redirected and refocused to the prayer. You may remember that very early in the apparitions, the visionaries asked the Blessed Mother, "How do you want us to pray? Should we pray or sing?" And Our Lady responded, "Do both, sing and pray."

The seventh suggestion consists in an occasional praying of the Scriptural Rosary as a family. As many of you know, the Scriptural Rosary is a little booklet on the Rosary that has a verse from Scripture for each Hail Mary on the subject of the respective mystery. It takes a little more time, but on occasion it can help remind both children and parents of the scriptural content of the mystery, as well as help in the process of keeping our attention focused on the mysteries.

The eighth suggestion is again the practical necessity of setting a specified time for praying the Rosary together as a family. This is especially important when we're talking about coordinating so many different family schedules to be present together. A couple of tried and true times for praying the Family Rosary (although they certainly don't have to be the only times) are immediately after dinner or immediately before going to bed. These are the times when we usually have most all of the family members there. I know there are other things that can creep in and take the place of prayer time, like sports schedules, homework, school events, etc. But there should, nevertheless, be the fundamental commitment to the designated time for evening Rosary by all family members, especially the children.

Consistency of practice is my ninth suggestion. As I mentioned before, don't get discouraged if you miss a few evenings. Some parents despair after a few missed evenings and quit the practice entirely. We all know the weariness and humanness involved in running a domestic Church. Just return to the practice afresh with a new commitment, a new resolve of will regardless of how many times you falter. Sooner or later, the virtue (good habit) of Family Rosary will lock in and really help you to be consistent as a family. Sometimes if you don't remember, the children themselves will remind you. They'll ask, "Aren't we praying the Family Rosary?" Or "Aren't we going to do any prayer before we go to bed?" And we're not talking about immaculately conceived children here, we're talking about ordinary children who get that feeling inside, whether they like it or not, that it's time to pray; we're supposed to pray now and we're not praying.

A tenth and final note regards "reluctant" adolescents. This is a question that often comes up: "How do we deal with our teenagers who don't want to pray the Family Rosary? Do we force them? How much do we include them?" Again, the answer originates from the discerning, prayerful decision of the parents using the marriage sacrament. By way of suggestion, I think there should be the commitment by all family members to being present during the praying of the Family Rosary. Even if it's just a passive presence. Why? Because, first of all, they're in the atmosphere of prayer. And secondly, it could dispose them to participating later. Ivan was asked during my last trip to Medjugorje, "Should parents force their adolescents to pray?" I think his personal response has merit. He said, "Patience and parental love are the vehicles, not force. Otherwise, it (prayer) will be just mechanical."

The practical application of this principle is always ultimately up to the parents. But I think it is important to say that a commitment at least to being present when the family prays the Rosary should be respected and implemented as seriously as any other family responsibility, like being present at meals, attending Sunday Mass, doing chores, etc. It should be seen in general as part of every family member's sacrificial commitment to the family, for the common good of the family.

Summary

There are many possible reasons for not praying the Family Rosary. It's one of the realms of possibility that seems endless, because families are so pressured by so many other needs. Putting all those possible reasons together, I do not think that they can compare with one reason why we should pray the Rosary. And that is that the Blessed Virgin Mary herself is asking us personally to pray this prayer daily for ourselves and for the Body of Christ. In his encyclical Mother of the Redeemer, Pope John Paul II called Our Lady the "spokeswoman of her Son's will." And that means when Our Lady calls us to pray the Family Rosary, it is because Our Lord is personally calling us to pray the Family Rosary. Of all the specific family commitments requested at Medjugorje (apart from those already obliged by the Church), I think the Family Rosary is the first place to start. Commit yourselves to the Family Rosary. Make the added effort and the fruits shall be plentiful, truly manifested in the sense of a new-found spiritual family peace.

Let me end with the June 1986 message of the Blessed Virgin who begs us to commit ourselves to this prayer. She says:

Let's obey as domestic Churches the call of the Mother of the Body of Christ, and the call of the Mother Church as well, to daily pray the Family Rosary.

This article was excerpted from Medjugorje and the Family: Helping Families to Live the Message, reprinted by Queenship Publishing in 2005.

Notes

(1) Mediator Dei, 1950, No. 165.

(2) We have learned, Letter to Cardinal Griffin, July 14, 1952.